How does that work? I have NOT figured that out! I have been attacked and punished by family members for not coddling our father and his wife, for not being active in their lives.... but there is something this particular family member just does not think about, want to think about..... that I spent a good bit of my life trying to build a relationship with both parents....and they did not respond nor did they reciprocate in this relationship. It was always one sided....
My father still had a young man in his care, a very troubled one.....but he went about his life as usual. The only person in his life was himself and his own selfish wants. He traveled, enjoyed, carried on as if he had no responsibility as a parent..... he left that to myself and later my sister. Our brother committed suicide in my parents home while dad was gone. Uncle Harold, you were right. Parents were to blame for the pain and struggling of this family.
As a parent I cannot fathom how one can have children and live as if they don't exist or at worst are a road block in the way of the living their life. I have 4 children and a growing batch of grandchildren. I cannot imagine doing this to my children.... I just can't...
Now I am not in constant contact with them, I do not pester and bother their lives. Last week I got on a bus and rode for 2 days so that I could spend a week with our oldest child and her family, which includes 2 of our granddaughters.
As I was riding on the bus last week I had more realizations that had I moved far away I would not have seen my parents. They would never have went to any effort whatsoever to see me....not that they were incapable of traveling...as it seemed really pretty easy to go to Arizona a fair bit and visit with my dad's brother.... but their children...no.... Maybe I should have...... I've often thought that I was not far enough away...I was close enough that it was expected of me to show up to their "showy" social crap..... if I had been far away..... I would have been totally cut off...I think that would have really slowed down the drama and stress of this family I was born in to...
I guess the bottom line here is that as I go through my life and do the things that I believe are right and good....Im finding that there are more and more problems that I had to endure as a child of abusive neglectful parents..... and I must get them out of my head.... although at times some of the things I write about could be construed as shallow and common...it's only a small part of a much bigger picture that I find difficult to express.... there was never a relationship between myself and either of my parents.... period... why should there be now???? I tried.... they didn't want it..... but I will never do that to my children.... yes I have my own life...but my children are still a part of our lives...
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