This past weekend, Feb. 18th, marks the anniversary of my mother's death. I think, probably the most traumatic part of all of that was that when a dysfunctional family comes upon crisis they become shockingly dysfunctional. When a family does not possess the ability to function under normal conditions, crisis presents a disaster.
I cannot post that I miss her, I cannot say that I miss talking to her. I did not have a relationship with her in that manner. It was mostly one sided, as are all my family relationships. In my writings I will try to explain my mother, not for this day however.
She died Feb. 18th, 1995. Cancer..... I went to see her many many times. Including the times I took two days away from my husband and children to stay with her in the hospital during chemotherapy treatments. The one thing that sticks out the very most to me is that upon entering her hospital room her first words, without fail, were: "Where's Becky?".... Never did I receive a hello, hi, how are ya, how are the kids.... nope... asking for my sister were the first words out of her mouth.... Second thing was asking me to go find her some spray RightGuard. She didn't care much about her not smelling but she used it in the bathroom to smoke.... she somehow believed that the RightGuard spray masked her smoking. It didn't......
It's a twisted thing I suppose.
More on this later.... but she has been gone for a lot of years now... I don't feel that I missed something I didn't have...I didn't long for a "mother"..... it was just as it was.... and I improvised....
More for another day.....
No comments:
Post a Comment